Isn’t this a strange picture? Very clever, isn’t it? It looks like someone’s ear is talking to itself. Lots of times in relationships when we try to communicate with a partner or loved one we feel like we might as well be talking to ourselves! That’s because we haven’t been taught how to be good listeners. The way we learn is by observing how everyone around us listens. Unfortunately, examples of good listeners are pretty rare. You see the thing is, we have lovely ears and we hear what people say well enough. After they say something we feel like we need to respond. It’s how we respond that makes all the difference. In last week’s blog I gave some advice on non verbal listening techniques and a simple reflection technique. This week we are going to go further and discuss how to listen for feelings, ie. “with the heart”.
Do you love a hot cup of chocolate on a frosty day? Does the thought of it make you feel nurtured? That’s similar to the wonderful response your loved one may have when you not only listen to what they say, but go a step further and let them know you heard not only what they said, but that you are paying attention to the emotions they seem to be having. Take a look at the next picture and imagine I just told you, “I’m taking a pottery class!
Can you tell by looking at this picture of me how I might be feeling about making pottery?
First of all, the big cheesy smile is a dead giveaway. You’d have to be looking at me to see it though, so don’t forget to make eye contact. Secondly, you may be able to tell by my tone of voice that I am definitely happy. So, if I looked like this and said to you, “I’m taking a pottery class.” How might you reflect back to me what you heard and also suggest the emotion?
How about, “Wow, Grammy, you seem really excited and happy about your class!”
I would like that kind of a response. It’s much more satisfactory than if you just said, “Yeah?” Even better would be if you said your answer in as happy a voice as I had. Then we would be sharing in the joy together.
How about if I came to you later and complained, “That awesome little pot I made? I dropped on the way to the shelf!!!” How would you respond to that message?